Happy Birthday, you're not getting older you're just a little closer to death.

To the nation's best kept secret, your true age.

Birthdays are like boogers; the more you have the harder it is to breathe.

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that people who have the most live the longest!

Money's tight, Times are hard, Here's your friggin birthday card

Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional.

Better to be over the hill than buried under it.

You are only as old as you act.

So many candles... so little cake.

Happy Birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you smell like a monkey, and you look like one too.

We know we're getting old when the only thing we want for our birthday is not to be reminded of it.

Happy Birthday on your very special day, I hope that you don't die before you eat your cake.

You're another year older and another year wiser.
So put your brain to work
And figure out there ain't no gift for you.

Two tips on your birthday:
1) Forget the past, you can't change it.
2) Forget the present, I didn't get you one.

Some words of wisdom for your birthday, "Smile while you still have teeth!"

Happy Birthday you old fart.

You would have loved the gift I didn't bother getting you.

Another year, another new place that aches.

Birthday Ideas

One more year of existence down the drain. Happy Birthday!

The only reason you hate your birthday is because people give you odd gifts, scary cards with weird messages in them, and because you're getting older. Anyway, Happy Birthday!

It's ok to light the candles on your birthday cake now; I've already alerted the fire department.

With age comes wisdom. (You're one of the wisest people I know!)

I was trying to think of what to get you for your birthday but nothing came to mind.

You're not old until you can't read this writing anymore.

The younger you try to look; the older you actually are.

Another year older, none the wiser.

Enjoy your birthday cake today since tomorrow we'll return to judging you based on every single morsel you ingest.

Happy Birthday! You're one year closer to your death day.

I'm not going to make any age related jokes because I genuinely feel bad about how old you are.

Don't think of it as getting older, think of it as becoming a classic.

An old fart is as good as a new one.

You've survived another year. Although you're older, it's better than the alternative. Congratulations!

You age like cheese... You just keep getting smellier!

Is it getting hotter in here or is it just all the candles on your cake?

There were a lot of famous people born on your birthday. Too bad you aren't one.

Never lie about your age except in the case of an emergency, like if somebody should ask how old you are.

Count your blessings, not your wrinkles.

I'll always think of you as someone older than me. Happy Birthday.

You're older.
You're wiser.
You're sophisticated.
You're far too mature to be concerned with material things, like presents.

You know you're getting old when you walk up the stairs and call it exercise. Happy Bday!

Birthdays are nature's way of telling us to eat more cake.

May you live as long as you want to, and want to as long as you live.

May you live to be old and toothless.

So many birthdays. So few candles. Next year, may your birthday wish be a bigger cake.

Forget your past, it's already done. Forget your present too, because I forgot.